


What happens in frozen buttfucking nowhere, stays in frozen buttfucking nowhere

by Memeister268



Category: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Antarctica, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Human Experimentation, Infidelity, Kidnapping, M/M, Mpreg, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, References to Addiction, Roleplay, Science Experiments
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-20
Updated: 2017-05-15
Packaged: 2018-08-23 10:40:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 19,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8324674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Memeister268/pseuds/Memeister268
Summary: Everyone has a plan, a goal, a legacy of some sort they dedicate their whole life to. Recognition. Family. Revenge. Success. But when one's fantasies become their legacy, there is, frankly, no way back. 
Megan Tryer was once such person. She always felt like she couldn't accomplish anything, that her plans were too stupid, too hard to reach. 
Graduating college, she felt lost.Where to go? What to do?Then her foolish plan returned, begging for attention. 
And she listened.





	1. LEA

**Author's Note:**

> Ena (co-author): Have fun and enjoy! (Don't cringe too much ;D )  
> Marshmee (author): Don't like? Don't read! Note complete.

_What happens in frozen buttfucking nowhere, stays in frozen buttfucking nowhere._

 

Everyone has a plan, a goal, a legacy of some sort they dedicate their whole life to. Recognition. Family. Revenge. Success. But when one's fantasies become their legacy, there is, frankly, no way back.

Megan Tryer was once such person. She always felt like she couldn't accomplish anything, that her plans were too stupid, too hard to reach.

Graduating college, she felt lost.  
Where to go? What to do?  
Then her foolish plan returned, begging for attention.

And she listened. 

 

\-----------------------------------

 

She smiled. 

 

Everything was perfect. Just like she'd once imagined it. 

 

Nothing was in her way, no one telling her to stop. 

 

Her hands were free, moving around the table and mingling with some Petri dishes. 

 

Gazing through a microscope, she scrutinized a minuature egg, stripped of its former DNA only to be injected with another. 

 

The small cell survived, against all odds, accepted the new DNA and managed to get fertilized with two sperms. 

 

"Unbelievable," she murmured, a smile creeping its way on her tired face. 

 

She's created life using DNA of three different singers. 

 

Male, to be exact. 

 

And right here, under her fingertips, developed the offspring, the smal miracle. 

 

Baby yet to be named Urie-Stumph-Way. 

 

She may be a sick, twisted lunatic, but her determination was undying. 

 

Just then an alarm beeped, warning her about the awakening of her unvoluntary guests. 

 

\-----------------------------------

 

Megan had to act fast. 

 

The embryo won't survive long outside of a womb, and she needed to choose a host. With her hormonal treatment, Brendon and Gerard developed the necessary parts. 

 

Patricks body didn't respond so well, but she didn't mind too much. It's good to have someone mature around. 

 

Brendon?

No, too hyperactive and irresponsible. 

 

So Gerard it is. 

 

"Oh well, here goes," she sighed, prepared a needle for the embryo and another one with a mild sedative, "I'm sorry, Gerard."

 

\-----------------------------------

 

"Ry-Ry- oh yes- yees right th-ere Ry aghh," Brendon moaned, encouraging Ryan to hit that sweet spot inside of him once mo-

 

'Brendon, wake up.'

 

He didnt recognize the voice at first, but soon Brendon was wide awake with Patrick fucking Stump above him. 

I

"I know you need to fuck like, twenty four slash seven, but it would be nice if you could wake up and help me not panic."

 

He turned around, checking if the mad scientist was around, and seeing they're gone, he leaned closer to Brendon and whispered:

 

"She took Gerard, I think it's happening." He looked at Brendon, waiting for his reaction, when the realization sinks in.

 

\-----------------------------------

 

Emma Sevon never knew what to do with her life. But she knew that working in a secret lab doing god knows what was not really it.

 

But hey, she got paid a lot to do this stuff, so she didn't mind. She was working more as an assistant for Megan, considering she really didn't knew much about biology. Her job was to take care of the experiments and nothing else. 

 

\-----------------------------------

 

Megan relied on Emma to keep her sujects from going insane. It was nice to have someone for bringing you three cups of coffee at midnight. 

 

Only the subjects weren't the only ones slightly nuts in this secret underground hideout in the middle of Antarctica. 

 

That sounds kind of weird when you say it out loud, but oh well. 

 

"Whatever to reach my goal," Megan answered herself, grinning. 

 

\-----------------------------------

 

"Holy fucking shit, did you just watch me have a wet dream? What the fuck, Patrick?!"

 

"And what do you expect me to do?!? We are locked in this smallish room with no escape so yes, I saw it, sadly. I wish I could unsee it, but could you please concentrate on something else now?"

 

"What," Brendons denial was blindingly annoying, but his mind was not going to believe this shit so easily.

 

Patrick was glaring at Brendon, deciding if he will kill him, or himself. "Brendon, I swear that if you keep this up something bad will happen to you!"

 

"Well sorry I didn't expect to end up wherever this is with Patrick Stump of all people watching me sleep!"

 

"Be glad you haven't seen the cameras yet..." Patrick pointed upwards. Then he stopped "Okay... I just realized that this will be even more awkward now... oh well, screw Gerard, I'm going downstairs" 

 

"Gerard? Are you fucking high? What are you on about?"

 

"Were you even listening to me, Brendon, or were you just too busy whining?!? I told you before, that they took Gerard. Oh my god Brendon, why do you have to be you..."

 

"What Gerard, Patrick, im not a damn artificial intelligence."

 

"Gerard Way, you know, that guy from MCR?" Patrick waited to see if his day will be long and torturous even more, or maybe slightly less torturing.

 

Brendon opened his mouth and gaped at Patrick, then closed it and opened again. 

"Holy fucking shit on a stick."

 

"Yep. My exact reaction. Now if you'll excuse me, I will go make some coffee" And with that he marched downstairs.

 

"W-wait for me!" And with that a quest for coffee took off. 

 

\-----------------------------------

 

"PATRICK THERE IS NO COFFEE WHAT IS THIS SHIT IF I DON'T GET MY COFFEE I'LL BREAK THE CUPS AND SLIT MY WRISTS I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD."

 

Patrick only sighed and pushed the "Summon Emma" button. Not only that Brendon spilled his last coffee, but he also went on a rampage and Patrick was too tired for this shit.

 

"PATRICK WHY ARE YOU NOT DOING ANYTHING, I AM NOT OKAY," Brendon yelled at the top of his lungs, the sound abusing Patricks ears. Not to mention Brendons limbs bouncing all over the place in his panicking fit.  

 

\-----------------------------------

 

Emma looked up from her screen to see a red light flicking on and off. She sighed, accepting her fate and switched to the camera screen to see what's the problem.

She flinched hearing Brendon yell "WHERE IS THE GODDAMN COFFE" all of a sudden.

 

"Oh shit" she cursed, remembering that they ran out of coffee for the prisoners. She ran out of her room to the storage.

 

"Fuck fuck, fuckity fuck!" Emma knew that if she touches the Buckstars coffee Megan ordered, she will have her severed head on a plate.

 

On the other hand, Patrick and Brendon weren't really compatible as roommates, and if this keeps up, Patrick will go insane.

 

"Goddamit Brendon" she whispered as she opened the biggest room in the whole place - the storage.

 

She took as much coffee as she could and with a kick she opened the door (she hit the opening button before, yes, button, because carrying keys would be too bothering for basic rooms).

 

"Anyone ordered some coffe?" She joked before she stopped and looked at Brendon in horror.

 

"Fuck yeaaAAAAAA," Brendon half singed, half yelled as in that one vine, grabbed the desired brown powder and sprinted back to the living quarters, shoving raw coffee in his mouth as he did so. Patrick was not amused. 

 

Emma just facepalmed and leaned closer to Patrick "If Megan ever asks about the coffee just point to Brendon. If we are lucky he will be the only sacrifice."

 

Patrick only nodded and buried his face on the sofa. "Thanks for the advice, I will probably use it" 

 

Rattling sounds of multiple kitchen utensils resonated from further in the room as Brendon tried to boil about 5 litres of water at once in the teeny tiny kitchen/dining area. 

 

Emma decided that was her cue to leave.

"If you will ever feel like going insane, please push the button titled "Brendon" that we will need to install soon. Now just push the emergency button multiple times, so I can notice the problem quicker," and with that she left.

 

A while later, Brendon encountered Patrick with two mugs of brown, gooey something. His pupils were so dilated you could hardly spot his maroon irises and he was smiling maniacally. When Patrick didn't immediately react, Brendon stared at him like he's just said he's secretly married to Pete. Which he is, but thats beside the point.

 

"I made you coffee," Brendon murmured slowly, his eyes fixed on Patrick, scanning for any sort of response. 

 

Patrick stared back at Brendon, hoping the coffee is at least poisoned. He had no problem getting used to this weird place before the other two came in. After that nearly all his sanity flew out of the window (or more likely went straight to the toilet). Gerard was fine, most of the time he was passed out and tired so Patrick could enjoy some peace and quiet.

 

Meanwhile, Brendon was the opposite. Always trying to make everyone commit suicide with his magical "kill me powers". For some weird reason that Patrick knew nothing of, was Brendon still whisperin Ry. Patrick's guess was that this was probably the only person who hasn't tried to kill Brendon immediately, before jumping out of the window.

 

\-----------------------------------

 

Gerard was pissed out of his mind. He didnt know where he was, why he felt like shit and how come he had hallucinations of Brendon Urie's voice. 

 

He didn't remember much before waking up in a strange bed in a room he's never seen before, yet he ignored the fact and forced himself to get up. As he ran a hand through his striking red hair, not caring about his appearance at the moment, he sneaked out of the room.  In the hallway, a small staircase peeked at him. Downstairs held a sight to behold. 

 

Gerard watched in disbelief as the one and only Brendon Urie stuck a mug of something probably predestined to be coffee, now looking like literal diarrhea, into Patrick Stumps face. 

 

'What drugs am I on?' Gerard thought to himself and approached the two with doubt. 

 

Patrick searched for something that could save him when he saw Gerard creeping on the staircase. His face lit up with hope. "Gerard, you're back!"

 

Gerard stared at him with a blank expression. 

"What do you mean back?"

 

"Well, you've been here unconcious for a couple of days with a few lab trips and now you are actually back"

 

"...well fuck me," responded Gerard and plopped himself onto the sofa next to Patrick, "so lab huh, you have any idea what for?"

 

Brendon, already halfway through the second mug, clapped his hands together making both Gerard and Patrick flinch.

 

"FOR COOL SHIIIIT."

 

Patrick only slightly glared at Brendon before answering Gerard's question "I dunno, but it didn't work on me so I guess you are the chosen one"

 

"So theyre developing some new halucinogens huh," Gerard murmured sarcastically with Brendon in mind.

 

"I also wish that he would only be a hallucination, but sadly he is very real... very real... just wish the coffee never runs out"

 

Just then Megan entered the room. 

 

"Why hello there gentlemen, does any of you have information on my missing coffee?" She asked as kindly as she could, but inside she was burnig with rage. 

 

Patrick remembered the advice he got and immediately pointed at Brendon.

 

'Of fucking course..' Megan sighed to herself. Eventually, her gaze shifted to Brendon and in a quiet, defeated tone she asked:

"Would there happen to be some left..?"

 

"Nope!" Brendon shot back in a cheery voice.

 

Megan pierced him with her gaze, yet remembered she shouldn't hurt her subjects. There is someone else she can torture though..

 

Emma was nervously checking the cameras waiting for Megan to go on a rampage. She saw her enter the prisoner room. Great, now it's time to hide. She scribbled a little note to Megan:

 

_"I did my job, if you think otherwise, try to find me._

_-The Hide'n'seek champion Emma ;D_

 

_P.S. I am very, very sorry about the coffee, but you weren't there..."_

 

 

Once Megan found the note, she facepalmed, went from rage to denial, and finally set off on a journey to find her secret stash of crack.

 

That's where Emma found her hours later, high as fuck.

 

She quietly opened the doors to the second storage.

"Are you okay?"

 

"The coffee stole my Brendon, fucking dick juggling cunt," Megan stated with clearly no idea what was going on. If her goofy smile was anything to go by.

 

On one hand Emma was relieved Megan was not able to do/remember anything, but on the other this was getting out of hand.

"Okay Megan, we seriously need to talk-"

 

Megan cocked her head to stare at Emma.

"Bout wheeeeet (what)."

 

"About your addiction of course. We don't know when you will do something really bad and hurt everyone.."

 

"Do ilook liek sumun who'd hurt deir subjectzz too yaaa?" (Do I look like someone who'd hurt thir subjects to you?)

 

"..." Emma hated trick questions and this really looked like a trap.

"No?"

 

Just then, the monitor on Megans watch started beeping and she stood up with some effort.

"Letz teik a luk at our bois."

 

Emma helped her to the room and took a deep breath, opening the camera room.

"Is this good or did you want to see them closely?"

 

"Ya...Weel shit jus' got real," Megan stated, frowning at the pixelated image of Gerard, Patrick and Brendon arguing the shit out of eachother.

 

Emma just groaned in frustration, knowing, that she will have to fix that and in her opinion, she already went through so much shit today and this was just unnecessary

 

"Soz pal, I'd help ya, but I dun wanna share meh crackity crack with Brendy-feck," Megan snorted, draped herself over the nearest couch and fell into a drug induced sleep.

 

Emma rolled her eyes and went to rewind the cameras to see what the eff went down while she was hiding.

 

From god knows where, Brendon got the idea that singing covers of his roommates songs was a great idea. He started off with My Chem, as Gerard was napping in the other room. It turned out to be so much fun that he forgot to tune his voice down. Soon enough, a slam of the door interrupted his trance like state. 

 

"HAVENT YOU EVER HEARD OF CLOSING THE FUCKING DOOR?!" 

 

Now that would always turn out to be a noisy situation, although with both Gerard and Brendon being former lead singers, their heated argument resonated through half the complex. 

 

"DO YOU WANT ME TO SEND YOU SOME ROSES MR GRUMPY FACE?!"

 

"I WANT YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

 

"SCREW YOU SIR 'I SLEEP ALL THE GODDAMN TIME!"

 

"HAHA GOOD ONE THANKS TO YOU I GET ABOUT 3 HOURS A DAY!"

 

"OH YEAH COME WHINING TO ME THAT I'M TOO LOUD WANNA BRING PATRICK TOO SO I CAN BE THE BAD ONE AGAIN?"

 

"FOR FUCKS SAKE BRENDON I-"

Speak of the lord of fedoras...

 

Patrick was relaxing in the big green armchair with a tea in his hand. He would have picked coffee if he would want to stay awake and listen to Brendon's shenanigans...

 

Everything was so peaceful, so quiet and also- very normal compared to the last few days... Maybe he shouldn't have been so suprised that Brendon will fuck it up as soon as possible.

 

With a sigh of acceptance, he looked at the "emergency" button and then hit it a few times. After a while he realized that Emma is a) too busy or b) too screwed to help him, so he has to solve himself.

 

He went upstairs and opened the door to the bedroom right in time to hear Brendon yell something about always being the bad guy. Gerard got really mad and that was when Patrick finally spoke:

"What the hell are you two arguing about?"

 

Gerard and Brendon cringed in unison. After a few awkward minutes Brendon was the one to break the silence. 

"About Gerards sleep issues."

Gerard looked at him like he's just eaten his favourite guitar and shit out a didgeridoo.

 

"What sleep issues? He spent most of the time being experimented on, what's wrong with him sleeping?" Patrick asked, generally confused.

 

"Well I don't know about you, but needing to sleep like 24/7 is concerning to me. How do we know they won't do the same to us?" Brendon looked at Patrick, his eyebrows raised.

 

"We don't... and what do you expect me to do about it? We have no idea what they did, but maybe it's making him feel tired."

 

"Well, I dont know, but you're obviously the most friendly with them."

Brendon was gonna solve dis shit like Hercule fucking Poirot.


	2. LEB

 

_Previously on Frozen Buttfucking Nowhere:_

_"Well I don't know about you, but needing to sleep like 24/7 is concerning to me. How do we know they won't do the same to us?" Brendon looked at Patrick, his eyebrows raised._

 

_"We don't... and what do you expect me to do about it? We have no idea what they did, but maybe it's making him feel tired."_

_"Well, I dont know, but you're obviously the most friendly with them."_

_Brendon was gonna solve dis shit like Hercule fucking Poirot._

 

* * *

 

"Oh, I wonder why, since I've been here for about a month now. All I know is that whatever they did was not working on me. And be happy I am, at least you got your stupid coffee!"

 

"Wait, a month? So they kidnapped us at different times..." Brendons voice trailed off as he was deep in thought.

"I suppose I've been here the shortest."

 

Gerard nodded. 

"Maybe ... maybe they infected us with a disease? You are probably immune and I'm still in the latent phase."

 

"Well... if that's the case I feel bad for you..." Patrick paused, "but hey, you won't have to stay in this lab forever like me."

 

"Are you implying it's lethal?"

 

Patrick shrugged.

"I'm not sure, I just assumed so," he walked away to drink the rest of his tea.

"But if so, then maybe you two will finally shut up and let me rest!" He yelled from downstairs.

 

"Welcome to the whiny bitch club, Patrick! Enjoy your beauty sleep, me and Brendon will be busy DYING."

Gerard yelled back in a bitter tone.

 

"I SAID I DON'T KNOW THAT FOR SURE, BUT NOW I HOPE IT IS WHAT I THINK, BECAUSE I'M DONE WITH YOUR BULLSHIT AND SHENANIGANS!"

 

"OH SORRY THAT I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING DIE, PATRICK!" Gerard shot back, this time with a subtone of something else. Sadness. 

"I don't want to die..," he whispered and Brendon hugged him awkwardly, close to tears himself.

 

* * *

 

Patrick returned few moments later with the tea cup in his hand akwardly stood in the hallway.

"Uh... atleast you two finally get along."

 

"Well, we do have common interests to die for."

 

You could say that Brendons pun killed the alread buried mood.

 

 

Emma rushed into the room, crashing into Patrick, spilling the tea everywhere.

"Sorry, I got here as soon as possible."

 

Megan followed right behind, her face disheveled. 

"Oh mah bois, whaddya up to agayn?"

 

Patrick was still recovering from the shock after the crash, but still managed to ask a very important question:

"What's wrong with her?"

 

"mMm nuttin, what I snort in the storage stays in the storage."

Megan tried to lowkey hide the true fact yet failed. You could almost feel Emma facepalming.

 

"Don't mind the boss, she's just weird. I actually came here to help you solve your argument, but I see it's fine now, so if you don't have any questions...?"

 

"Hey hey hey, wait up. Actually, I have a few questions."

It was Brendon, done with swimming in the unknown and his theories begging for verification.

 

Emma stood up from the floor and turned to him.

"Ask away, I will answer all the questions that I can answer."

 

Brendon took a deep breath, ran a hand through his hair and finally asked:

"What are you keeping us here for?"

 

Emma turned to highly intoxicated Megan to ask for confirmation.

 

"Well fuck me with a carrot," she turned to Emma, "if we tell 'em were ded, if we don't tell 'em we're ded..." Megan thought for good five minutes, then her face lit up. "Ya," pointing at Brendon, "ain't dyin', ya," nodding at Patrick, "are scientifically useless buut I hav' reasons too keep ya, and ya," she grinned at Gerard, "are meh golden ticket. And also gun' hate meh."

 

Emma blinked in surprise and muttered in disbelief.

"That actually worked, holly shizzle dizzle!"

The she turned to the guys and said "Be happy she is high, at least she's nice enough now to tell you all the top secrets."

 

"I'm not sharING MY CRACK WITH THE- oh wait you weren't...nevermind lez jus' pretend diz uhh never uhh ... swaggy fedora ya got dere 'Trick."

 

"Eh... thanks?" Patrick decided to accept the compliment from the "boss" just in case.

 

Gerard cleared his throat.

"Didn't you promise us some answers?"

 

Megan froze, gazing at Emma. "Should we really tell them about operation BadgerXYZ..?"

 

Emma stared back "I mean... it's your experiment, why are you asking me for a permission?"

 

 

"'Cause I'm not thinkin' straight-," Megan started laughing and crying at the shittiest pun of the evening what with being in the room with three  at least bisexual men.

 

Emma slightly cringed at the pun and then some more, when she realized that she will have to take care of Megan.

"Well boys, that was our cue to leave. If you want to be happy never ask about this ever again."

With a lot of struggles she took Megan and closed the door behind her.

 

 

"W-wait, what the fuck is this BadgerXYZ shit?!" Brendon yelled, but the door remained closed. 

 

"...Well shit!" Patrick exclaimed to the silence.

"Good thing I am not involved" and with that he left the room with panicking Brendon. 

 

"Well shit indeed," Gerard sighed and prayed for the best. 

However nothing could prepare him for what was coming. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you notice this notice then you will also notice that this notice is not worth noticing


	3. LEC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> E: Sorry for no ipdate in like 10 days, we've been kinda busy and M has hard work editing... Nontheless very big thank you to everyone who stayed with us. I swear we are trying to have a weekly uploads.

_Previously on Frozen Buttfucking Nowhere:_

_"W-wait, what the fuck is this BadgerXYZ shit?!" Brendon yelled, but the door remained closed._

 

* * *

 

"Patrick wake up! Patrick PATRICK PAATRIIICK!"

 

Patrick groaned and opened his eyes. His tea was still on the table where he left it. Apparently, he fell asleep on the couch and someone was kind enough to give him a blanket.

 

"THEY'VE LEFT THE DOOR UNLOCKED WE ARE FREE!"

Brendon was hyperventilating with his eyes wide. 

 

"Then why are you not running away only to discover you were wrong?" Patrick asked confused.

"I said long time ago I don't wanna escape now..." he paused, "...not like I can anyway."

 

"FUCKING HELL PATRICK COME ON."

At which Brendon pulled Patrick up and dragged him out of the door. 

 

"Brendon please! Let me sleep dammit, this is already a lost cause."

Patrick tried to beg, but once Brendon decides, it's unchangeable. That's why he switched to reason.

 

"Brendon, do you really think I haven't tried to escape yet? Where do you plan to go? Do you have a map? Do you know where we are? Do you know anything? No, so if you would just let me-" Patrick stopped when Brendon dropped him.

 

"HOLY FUCK THIS IS THE STORAGE THEY MUST HAVE SOME SECRET FILE- COFFEE"

Brendons reasoning flawless as ever. 

 

Patrick just facepalmed, gave Brendon an angry glare and walked away to his new bed.

"Why do I even bother? Will he ever listen to me? No. Why do you waste your time, Patrick? Just why?" He muttered as he was impresonating the grumpy cat.

 

Brendon quickly snatched his hand and brought him in front of a shelf. 

"Look," he said, pointing at the words BadgerXYZ.

 

When he saw Patricks lack of response, he decided to change his tactic. 

"Come on now, Patrick, are you planning on sitting here on your ass until you die, leaving Pete and everyone you've ever known wondering where you went? Shouldn't you at least try to get out? Not for you, for them?"

Very deep. Much determination. Such mindchanging. 

 

Patrick looked at Brendon with the face of absolute hatred before opening his mouth.

"Well, my dearest Brendon, if you hadn't been so busy ignoring my arguments and actually consider them, you would see why this a bad idea and you should give up, unless someone gets hurt or something."

 

"I don't care if someone gets hurt, this has to be illegal and I can't just stand by and watch!"

 

"And what are you gonna do, huh? As I said before I did try to escape, but I didn't get far. There are cameras everywhere, Brendon, and you have no idea where to go."

 

"We can tr- HOLY SHITFUCKING OF RYANS DICK YOU SCARED ME GERARD."

 

Gerard creeped from the shadows, his bright red hair giving him away almost instantly. 

 

Patrick laughed so hard he soon struggled to catch his breath.

"Jeez Brendon, that face, I can't." 

 

Gerard walked right in their faces, whispering. 

 

"The cameras are fake."

 

Patrick stopped laughing and with the most serious face he could pull at the moment he turned to Gerard.

"How do you explain that they know about everything that's happening, huh?"

Patrick was definetely as pessimistic as paranoid, but of course he wouldn't admit it.

 

"Why wouldnt they? They must have made a shitload of tests on us and and- wait maybe they've just switched them off- wait, where were you headed anyway? What is this?" Gerard pulled out a file only for a photo of him to fall out. 

"Well fuck.."

 

"What is it? Come on and open it, we are fucked anyway." Patrick stated not really giving any shits anymore.

 

The pages were filled with pictures of Gerard, blood tests and a a lot of boring numbers. One stat in particular caught Brendons attention. 

 

"Estrogen, don't only pregnant women have that?"

 

Patrick started booting up the systems in his brain to come up with a logical explanation.

"...You are right Brendon"

 

"What the fuck?" Gerard used his seemingly favourite word once again. 

 

 

"Oii wat u doin with dat shit?¿?" Megan snatched the file from Gerards hands. 

 

"Holly moly guacamole, where the hell did you come from?!?" Patrick's paranoia was suddenly way stronger than before. 

 

"My ultra secret study where I perform experiments on human DNA...I was trying to be sarcastic but it's actually true whoops..."

 

"What experiments exactly?"

Patrick tilted his head.

 

"Well...okay im sick of this facade..," Megan sighed, "could i have a few words with you?" 

 

"With all of us or just me?" Patrick's stranger danger sense started tingling.

 

"Just you. Adult talk, y'know how it goes. Besides I have my reasons," and with that she ushered Patrick away from the others, double checking if they could hear them. 

 

 

Then from underneath her lab coat she pulled a file almost identical to the first one with BADGERXYZ written on the front. Only it looked like it weighed around two tons with all the loose pieces of paper sticking out.

 

Megan bit her lip.

"So, you have a theory about why this all is happening, right?" 

 

"Maybe... does this have to do anything with crazy fans?"

 

Megan froze on spot, stuffing her hands in the coat pockets. 

 

"Hey, don't judge me we all had an emo phase... I MEAN of course my intentions are completely scientifical... okay maybe little bit of both...but you know it's that crazy scientist syndrome as I like to call it and I can't help myself. I had to try. I just knew there was a possibility and, and.."

Megan raised her eyes, desperately hoping Patrick would forgive her or at least understand before she told him what she really wanted to say.

 

Patrick took a deep breath and tried to do the nice parent aproach.

"Hey, it's fine, just tell me what happened?"

 

"So..well..umm ibasicallyimpregnatedgerardwithyourandbrendonsdna," Megan almost unaudibly muttered, her hands clammy as she was nervously realising just how bad it sounded out loud.

 

"Uh, could you repeat that, but this time louder, please?"

 

"For fucks sake-..well I...basically made the birds and the bees happen with the three of you at the same time and equipped Gerard to...uhh..sustain life."

If Megan isnt going to kill herself after saying that, then never. 

 

"..." Patrick was speechless. He didn't really know what to say.

"Why... why did you do that? For what purpose?"

 

"Well you can choose what you want to believe: a crazy fangirl who got access to a lab or a mad scientist who played a lot of people to get what they wanted." 

 

"I'm pretty sure in your case it's both... why Gerard tho? Why not- oh, nevermind, it was probably the best choice"

 

"Eh if you must know, you're not compatible and Brendon...well Gerard is a ... way better choice."

Words cannot describe how proud of that pun Megan was. 

 

Patrick glared, deciding whether to wait for Megan to commit suicide or strangle her himself right now.

"You're lucky you are intoxicated."

 

"I wasn't when i stuck a needle up Gerards ass.."

 

"Ugh, I didn't need that mental image in my head."

 

"Neither did i but here we are."

 

"...What do you mean that you made the birds and the bees happen? I know I should have asked before but-"

 

Megan locked her eyes with Patricks.

"Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me."

 

Patrick tried to blend with the ground.

"No, I just didn't quite understand what you meant by that"

 

"I hope you are aware how babies are made, knowing that, just imagine that happening in a Petri dish with three isolated DNA strands instead of one, ya?"

 

Patrick pulled his best loading face exression before finally processing the information.

"Gerard's pregnant."

 

He looked at Megan for confirmation.

 

"Yep."

 

"So who's the father?" 

 

"All three of you." Megan smirked, secretly swelling in pride over her experiment's success. 

 

"Wha- whh- ho- eeh, eeeeh?"

If Patrick's sanity wasn't already destroyed before, now there was no doubt.

 

"I suppose congratulations are in place." Megan said, lowkey congratulating herself. 

 

"I'm gonna be a father... oh my god I'm gonna be a father."


	4. LED

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's the next chapter, basically just all the rest of what we wrote dumped in one place.   
> warning: unbetad (i'll get to it later on)  
> -M
> 
> P. S. don't mind any stray 'author's notes' or shitty jokes
> 
> enjoy the trainwreck -E

Zeppelin hhh

"Yeah.." Megan patted Patricks shoulder and let him have his moment of impending fatherhood.

A moment that Gerard and Brendon chose to waltz in, Brendon bouncing in excutement and Gerard slumped behind him like a broken shell of a man.

"Omfg Patrick you wouldnt believe what weve found ou-"

"If it's about project BadgerXYZ I think I know more than I would have wanted"

Gerard visibly cringed.

"Oh come on, you two didn't even see the worst ones..." Patrick stopped for a moment and then walked closer to Gerard "Congrats, now you have a reason to be grumpy"

Gerard flinched and made a step back. "Please just-dont.." he turned away. (coz its awful just to see lol jk imma trash)

Patrick ignored Gerard's pleas and leaned closer "Oh god, what will we name our baby? And what we will teach it? And-"

"Omg Patrick how bout Asher or Ashley we could call them Ash either way!" Brendon suggested, oblivious to Gerards internal struggle to not stab himself in the stomach right then and there.

"Holy flying cow Brendon, for once I can even agree with you!" Patrick was trying to focus on the baby instead of the schock and so far it worked. "What do you think Gerard?"

"I think that you two should shut the fuck up until i think of a way to abort this abomination!"

Patrick started gently patting Gerard on the back "Shh, it's not like you have a choice"

"Yes i fucking do! Lemme just hop into the kitchen for something sharp and well see."

Megan shot him a disapproving look.

Patrick closed his eyes "You really think that you have any free will here? How do you know they won't try again until they succed"

"Um, excuse me? Youve had more free will than i wanted you to have. I even planned on letting you go once i was done even if itd cost me my life, can you for one god damn second stop being depressed assholes?!"

"So you're not the boss huh?" Patrick whispered. Then he turned back to Megan "Nope, because pessimistic paranoid Patrick is my cool nick name. PPP, ya know?"

"I thought your nickname was Lunchbox, must have heard Pete wrong..."

"Brendon... shut up!" And now came the moment when Patrick again considered suicide.

"Hey, dont Gerard me! I have feelings!"

"Ouch," Gerard scoffed.

"Hey, be nice to mommy daddy"

"Says daddy number two."

Gerard wished nothing more but for a hitman to take him out. After a few minutes of silence, his gaze dropped to his stomach.   
"Fuck."

Megan coughed.   
"So how bout i- um- borrow Gerard here for some tests, ya? S'kay?"

Gerard nodded and let himself be poked and prodded for about two hours. 


	5. LEE

Bushy brow hhhh

Once Gerard returned from his scientifical torture, a sight of expectant Patrick and Brendon sat on a sofa greeted him. 

"How you feelin? Are you at acceptance yet?"

Gerard contemplated enjoying his denial for a bit longer, but when he saw the eager faces longing for any sort of information, he sighed.   
"Apparently, this thing," Gerard subtly gestured towards his stomach with a hint of disgust, "is doing grand. Just fyi." He turned away "Oh and also Megan has like 20 fucking medical degrees"

"What the hell? You know, I'm not even suprised anymore, this whole situation is just ridiculous... or should I say ridickilous? He?" Patrick tried to pretend that that joke was the funniest ever but Gerard's glare stopped him. "Nevermind, you wanna coffee?"

Brendon opened his mouth to say something but Gerard was faster.   
"You know what? Yeah, give me all the coffee we have, its not like i care about this parasite you call your baby." Sadly, there was no sarcasm in his cold tone. 

Patrick sighted "Gerard, believe me when I say that if we could trade places I would gladly do that for you. I know you hate your situation, but it's not the baby's fault, heck it's only a few weeks old how could it possibly do anything?!? That's why I don't get you Gerard..." 

"Seven weeks yesterday," Gerard sighed, "and its already managed to give me a fucking migraine."

"Well, it's one third Brendon after all..."

Gerard glared at him: "Oh okay, so when i start craving Petes dick 24/7 ill know who to blame."

Brendon snorted and laughed like hes just heard the pun of his life. 

Patrick coughed as he just choked on air. "That- that's not true" 

"Do you choke on Pete like that?" Brendon innocently implied. 

"You guys are the worst!" Patrick was red as tomato "I hate you both" and with that he ran upstairs.

Silence fell on the living room. 

"We should probably go apologise.." Brendon said, locked eyes with Gerard and they both laughed. 

"Like hell, he acts like hes never been seventeen," Brendon chuckled. 

"Or like hes our mother." 

"Or probably both I dunno, why don't you ask him?" And once again Emma appeared out of nowhere "Before you ask, I was actually just going to the storage to check if we have everything. Sorry to interrupt your argument" she added sarcasticly.

"Oh thank god youre not that other psycho, because if i see one more needle ill make sure this thing doesnt see tomorrow." It was Gerard, with his irritated attitude. 

"Please don't, I am not really sure what are the possible consequences and it's not like I wanna know"

"Probably more needles." 

Brendon snorted, being the twelve yeat old stuck in a models body he is. 

Emma sighed "I wish I had your optimism for dangerous situations..."

"Its either that or suicidal."

"...true... so, are you gonna go upstairs to discover what's Patrick's problem or...?"

"His problem is that i dont give a shit about this parasite and hed be very happy to carry it instead of me."

Brendon looked away. 

Emma casually leaned on the doorframe "That is one of them, right. I know you are grumpy Gerard, but no one here is happy with the current situation... I thought Meg was, but after yesterday... I don't know anymore"

"What, did she drown in test results?" Brendons jokes were a neverending story.

"Very funny Brendon, very funny, I'm glad you were the one kidnapped... But no, I mean... didn't she say omething about the boss? Like, me and Patrick had a whole theory and she derailed it by one simple answer..."

"You mean there is someone who wants to see me suffer more than she does?" Gerard asked, a spark of interest dangling in his eyes.

"I would say that they want us all to suffer, but yeah. I promise that if you two will fix Patrick for a while I can try to ask Megan about it..."

"Deal."


	6. LEF

To je jenom ftipek

Brendon and Gerard eventually packed their shit and got up. They made their way to the bedroom, but when they opened the door, the scenery shocked them both.

Patrick was hugging a pillow, slightly sobbing as he did. When he saw them he turned away.

Brendon and Gerard exchanged confused looks, pushing each other until Gerard gave up and sat next to Patrick.   
"Hey..uh..whats wrong?"

Patrick wiped his tears, his voice cracking as he spoke "It's not you guys... I just remembered some stuff, sorry I ran"

"Its fine Patrick, we shouldnt have taunted you." Gerard awkwardly patted his back, hoping it would make Patrick spill. 

Patrick sighed "I guess I owe you an explanation, don't I?" He gave a weak smile before spilling the beans.

"Yeah, kinda," Brendon said and cringed under Gerards disapproving look.

"Well... I guess I should start with how I got into this mess in the first place... One day me and Pete were kinda discussing our future and he joked that if we had a kid that would be after both of us it would wither be the biggest pranker or singer. And from that moment I couldn't stop thinking about adopting one somewhere in the future. I looked at some adoption centres on the web and then I saw some weird add about the life changing experiment BadgerXYZ. I don't know why I clicked on it, but I guess I was just curious or bored, or maybe both. There was this video about how they have the chance to create a baby for homosexual couples using both DNA and some other stuff I can't remember. There was an adress so I called it and they told me to come next day so they could tell me more" He stopped.

"My senses were telling me that the place looks sketchy and that I should run, but I just ignored them, because the promise was really tempting so- ... They were really happy to see me and at first everything looked normal. They led me to some room and told me to sit in the chair and to close my eyes... and when I opened them... I was here. It maybe looks like the most stupidest idea ever and I know it was totaly stupid and I could have at least asked Pete, but I just- I just thought that- I miss them all so much. I miss mom and dad and most of them I miss Pete, we were supposed to celebrate our third year anniversary and god, I just fucked it all up, didn't I?"

Gerard glanced at Patrick in disbelief, but then just hugged him tight, whispering into his ear: "You can have leech once it gets out...once we get out. Id rather you have it than that crazy bitch."

Patrick hugged back, clearly in need of all the emotional support he could get at the moment "Thank you... I hope you will have a chance to have your own children with Frank somewhere in the future"

Gerard choked on his own saliva. "You kidding? Why would I ever voluntarily go through that again? Besides Frank is still a kid himself." A light chuckle passed his lips. 

"That's why I said somewhere in future, I dunno, you can still adopt he smiled "Thank you Gerard... and Brendon, I'm happy that I got stuck here with you two"

"Awh 'Tricky," Brendom exclaimed and joined them on the bed, pulling them in a hug. "Emoband trinity forever?" "Emoband trinity forever."


	7. LEG

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is an au where science doesn't science apparently so let's all blame 2k16 me for the cringe -M

it asf

Emma jogged down the long hallway, now that she didn't have to deal with the prisoners she could focus on Megan. She headed straight for Megans office. A loud line of swear words greeted her. 

The second Megan spotted her in the hallway, she ran up to her in pure desperation. 

"HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THIS I CANT MAKE THIS DAMN HORMONE BECAUSE IT KEEPS DESTABILIZING AND THE STRUCTURE IS COLLAPSING AND-"

"You realize I don't understand science, right?"

"IF I DONT COOK THIS SHITTY WITTY SOUPSHITE GERARD IS GONNA DIEDIE AND IM GONNA BE FIREDFIRED AND EXECUTECUTED"

"Oooookay, I think we should talk about some of those very concerning stuff and let's start with the easiest one. I though you worked alone, so who are we working for then?"

"DOESNT MATTER IF I DONT STABILIZE THIS FUCKER WERE DEAD ANYWAY"

"I TOLD YOU I HAD NO IDEA, YOU NEVER SHARE WHAT YOU DO. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW"

"Okay look," Megan gave up eventually, "as Gerard isnt what you would call a suitable host for a human fetus, i have to stuff him with loads of scientifical shit. This particular one is very important and if i dont manage to create it, stuck it in a needle and that into Gerards vein, he is either going to die or miscarry, and if that happens Boss will hire someone to sweep Badger under the carpet and hite a hitman to take out everyone whos ever been a part of it."

"...Well shit! ...Do you have an escape plan? Of course after we save Gerard, I mean"

"Agh just..hey maybe youll get it by accident! Basically just mash those together and hope, kay?"

Megan sighed and handed Emma two petri dishes with clear liquid and added:  
"If it turns purple, were fucked." 

Emma took the dishes "Let's pray this works, oh well, yolo" She poured some of the stuff to the other.

Megan gave the substance a pointed look before yelping and sucking it intoa syringe. 

"Les' go!" She yelled and took off towards the living quarters. 

Emma sighed "Could we have at least one day when nothing goes wrong? Oh well..." and with that she followed Megan.

Megan panted: "well sorry id leave it for a day but Gerard wouldnt thank me."

;(

Emma opened the door to the living quarters to see all of the residents having a cuddle session while watching the TV. "I'm happy to see the deal worked"

"Gerard give me a hand." Megan wasted no time and after sterilizing the area she pricked the skin of Gerards arm and injected the hormone.   
"Im sorry in advance. Merry crampsmas. Megan out." 

Emma stayed behind so she could say "Thank you for doing an excelent job in your part of the deal, sadly I didn't discover much" she turned around one last time "But have my word that we are all deeply and utterly fucked if anything happens to the baby"

Gerard turned to Patrick, then to Emma and finally said: "I will keep this leech alive even if its the last thing I do."

Patrick cuddled even more to Gerard "Thank you... did I ever tell you hiw much amazing you are?"

Gerard snorted: "Feel free to say it as much as you want." you cheesy fuck, his mind added jokingly.

Brendon groaned obnoxiously.

"Frank is so lucky to have someone as amazing as you..." Patrick looked up to meet Gerard's eyes.

"Can you two just fuck already?" Brendon whined, feeling left out.

Patrick turned back to Brendon "Aww, come on Brendy, no need to be jelly"

Patrick turned back to Brendon "Aww, come on Brendy, no need to be jelly"

"Who do you think you are to call me Brendy, Lunchbox," Brendon shot back. Gerard, sitting in the middle, was giggling like a schoolgirl.

"Pft, fine, I will just flirt here with Gerard then if you don't wanna" Patrick turned back to Gerard "How is your hair always so perfect?"

Gerard froze and tried to act casually: "It just iziguess."

"Wow, and your eyes... are you an angel?"

Gerard choked on thin air and moved to Brendons lap with a look saying: 'Fucking save me Urie like suck his dick i dunno just plz'

Patrick slightly pouted and returned to flirting with Brendon "And what about you? Are you also an angel?"

Brendon was a little bit more used to this kind of situation, so he smirked at Patrick along with saying: "Calm yo tits Wentz, the only person allowed to wreck that fine ass is daddy Ryan." Gerard hid his face in the blanket draped over them.

"Aww Patty, im a bottom bitch." Brendon should probably look up the definition of shame.

"And what about a brojob?" Patrick threw all of his dignity away, with only one thing in mind.

"No homo tho," Brendon said and Gerard stood up. "Fuck you guys, fuck you," he exclaimed and locked himself into the bathroom in hopes of being as far from the bedroom as possible.

"So, uh, how will we do it?"

"You sound like a horny teenage girl, which you probably are at this point. Just lemme take care of it.."

PG 13 VERZE  
Brendon then pulled patricks pants down. They moaned. Brendon sucked. Brendon swallowed.   
"Thanks Pete"  
Brendon was accused of murder.

 

U HAVE BEEN WARNED  
Brendon then proceeded to pull Patrick towards the bedroom, kicking the door closed once they got inside. Brendon may know nothing about Patrick when it came to sex, but he knew him as a person and that was more than enough.   
As Ryan would rant to you about for hours, Brendon was a goddamn tease. Patrick was nearly ready to fuck the nearest wall with all the build up, however he wasnt getting off that easy.   
Brendon locked his maroon eyes with Patricks, stepping closer and bringing his hands to his chest.   
He started unbuttoning his black shirt, licking his lips here and there for good measure. Patrick did the same with his, only faster and much rougher.   
They took a moment to examine each others half naked forms and it took Patrick about 0.1 seconds to push Brendon into a wall, kissing him vigorously.   
"Eager, are we?" Brendon pulled away to nip at Patricks neck, looking for weak spots. His arms traced Patricks spine, giving them both chills.   
"Just get on with this Brend-ahh," Patrick moaned as Brendon but down a certain spot just above Patricks collarbone.   
They continued like that for a while, until Patrick decided that hes had enough.   
He shoved Brendon onto the nearest bed, however Brendon quickly turned them over.   
His pupils flared and he bit down a moan when Patricks arms found their was to his ass, kneading the firm mass.   
Brendon tugged at Patricks jeans, planting butterfly kisses over Patricks navel.   
When he was met with no resistance, he worked his way on the belt and fly, finally pulling them down.   
Patrick wasnt wearing any underwear, he noted when a very excited dick peeked out.   
"Well fuck me is Pete a lucky bitch," Brendon stated, and smiled to himself.   
Patrick was fully hard at that point, all the sexual tension building up to this moment.   
Brendons experience told him that a cause that desperate would do without stroking, he did like to tease, however not torture.   
Brendon slowly leaned towards the erect cock, glancing Patrick in the eye as he did so.   
"F-fuck Brendon I-"  
"Say no more, Lunchbox"  
Patrick wanted to groan but it turned into a moan halfway as Brendons mouth locked around his length, dragging his tongue up the base and swirling around the tip.   
Patricks cock, now coated in a glistering sheen of Brendons warm saliva twitched excitedly.   
Then Brendon started slowly moving his head, slowly at first, gripping Patricks hips for support.   
Patricks moans echoed through the room, giving Brendon a pretty good idea of how close he was, locked up in his own world of pleasure. The tip of Patricks cock hammered against the back of Brendons throat, abusing the sensitive skin. Brendon repressed the gagging reflex and with one final blow, he sucked and pursed his lips around the dick in his mouth.   
"Br-Brend-on Im-com-ahh" and a hand gripping his hair was the only warning Brendon got before a wave of warm cum filled his dirty mouth.   
He swallowed automatically, ignoring the foul taste and licking the rest off of Patricks now flaccid cock.   
Then he collapsed next to the ginger, his mouth aching in the best way.   
Ryan didnt need to know about this.


	8. LEH

ni azore 

Emma enabled the camera again hoping they ended because god, she was with Gerard on the 'no one wants to see this' scale. Megan would probably lose her shit from all the drama, but now it was not the time for that.  
Now it was the time for Emma to find some bleach and give Gerard a therapy, unless he already killed himself...

Emma checked all the cameras to see all the residents peacefully sleeping (poor Gerard fell asleep in the bathtub) and she decided to continue the investigation. Megan maybe avoided all the questions, but now that will change.  
She knocked on her door "Meg? You there?" she stepped inside "We need to talk"

"Talk about what," Megan groaned, sat at her desk with her head on her arms and an empty shot glass next to her. She wasnt drunk, the Jager bottle was still almost full.

"About this all, like... I am totally confused and you promised to tell me one day. But when? So far I only know what are we doing and that's still without any details. So will you explain or...?"

"What is there to explain? Were not getting out, were stuck in this frozen shithole until they replace us. Why bother ourselves with seeking knowledge."

"You're making this harder that it has to be..." Emma sighed "What about 20 questions? I ask you, and you can ask me about whatever the fuck you want, deal?"

Megan straightened in her seat, sighing and taking a swig of the jagermeister before pushing it out of her reach. "Fine, you wouldnt leave me alone otherwise."

"Yes! So let's start easy, where exactly are we?"

"Antarctica, also know as frozen buttfucking nowhere. Thats all i know."

"..." Emma was speechless, she expected a lot, but holy shit a damn Antarctica "Wow, okay... how did we all got here?"

"Helicopters, officially with scientists on board. I got here after I graduated college because I decided to fuck it, then one day these fucks and you started appearing."

"I mean, they said that you specifically asked for me... altho they did a very good job at convincing me to join before"

Megan scoffed, "Lying fucks.. but if i was to choose an assistant id probably go with you again if that makes you feel better. No one else would bring me weed at midnight and not ask questions."

Emma giggled "True, and no one else would make midnight parties involving cats"

"Yep, pretty much."

"So where were we? I thibk question... four? I dunno, not like I had 20 anyway" she cleared her throath "Who do we work how? Is it a company or one person? Are they super powerfull or...?"

"The main guys name is Janus. No ones ever met him, no one knows him. Hell, no one knows anything about this shit! Its like the fucking illuminati."

Megan sighed. "I wish i could tell you more, but they tell me nearly nothing."

"It's okay" Emma gave a weak smile "We have no chance to survive this, do we?

"Well unless we find a way to get to another station which would require a transportation of some sort then no, were fucked."

"Well, I'm honoured to die here with you. Altho it's not really how I imagined to die at all"

"Yeah, thanks i guess. But honestly, im more pissed because the subjects got dragged along. I mean i consented, they didnt."

"Hardly anyone did... do you think they will make any progress in looking for them?"

"What?"

"I mean, in the outside world... could they possibly do something about it?"

"Nope. They dont even know where to start."

Emma paused thinking "Would it be wort a shot trying to help them? Like... what if someone snuck on the ship, helicopter something that bring resources and they would try to find help?"

"Been there done that," Megan snorted, "but im not getting out of here until i get Gerard out of the mess I was forced to put him in."

"I respect you for that... is that J bitch with goverment or something?"

"Look i told you already. I. Dont. Know."

"Fuck, fuck, fuckity FUCK" Emma punched the wall "Ow... is there a different way how to contact the outside world?"

"Still in denial?" Megan muttered.

"Maybe, or maybe I have crazy ideas when my only choice is death"

"I guess. But hey, who knows whatll happen once im done with Gerard? Maybe theyll just take the kid and fuck off..leave us here to starve to death for good measure. But if they do only want that and start ignoring us afterwards, we can get to a different station and ask them to help us."

"I say we just focus on that seven months we have, give or take, and then well see."

"Fine, but if something goes wrong and we die I will be really mad at you"

"How will you be mad at me if im dead."

"It will be my last thought"

"Wow. Much deep."

"Not as the shithole we're in... this is ridiculous... and I though that nothing weitder can't happen now"

Megan looked up. "Weirder than Brendon giving Patrick a blowjob?"

"Yeah... oh well, I will go to sleep now. See ya tommorow"


	9. LEI

A Mcretardovlas

Gerard woke up to horrible cramps and crippling nausea. When he finally awoke enough to be aware of his surroundings, he almost freaked out.   
Apparently, he was dumb enough to fall asleep in the tub in just a shirt and some sweats.   
Gerard didnt have much time to complain, as the feeling of bile rising in his throat made him jump out of the tub just in time to hug the toilet.   
It wasnt pretty, and the bare sight made him throw up again.   
Once he was done, he sniffled out of pure misery and didnt even notice the door opening. 

Patrick woke up as usual. As soon as he saw Brendon he remembered what happened last night. That made him think what he will do for Brendon. Coffee seemed like a good start. Not really bothering with clothes he made his way to the kitchen.  
He prepared the best coffee he could and then he went to the bathroom. He realized his mistake when he saw Gerard puking into the toilet "Welp, this is akward"

Gerard was oblivious and hugged his porcelan pal tight as he sacrificed the last bits of his insides along with wits.

"Do you need something? Or should I return later?"

"Water," Gerard croaked. 

"Ok, water, sure" And with that Patrick dissapeared once again to the kitchen (not before he went to pick up the last bits of his dignity). He returned with the water and handed it to Gerard "Here"

"Thanks," Gerard coughed miserably, "when youre at it, could you tell your leech to kindly go fuck itself?"

"Well, you can try to, you are the mom and they tend to listen more to the-"

"dO I LOOK LIKE A FUCKING CHICK TO YOU STUMPH?!?!" Gerard got triggered very easily these days.

Patrick raised his hands in defense "Okay dad, you can stop putting on the man-pants."

Gerard sighed: "Can you please not call me that? Its not like im planning on being a parent to leech."

"Aww, come on Gee, don't you want to get in the biological family? You can be the dad if you want?"

"No just- once we get out just tell Pete you carried it or something just please, i dont want to get anymore invested in its life that i am now."

"I'm sorry for joking... but hey, what happens in a creepy lab, stays in a creepy lab"

Brendon chose this exact moment to waltz into the room. "Did anyone mention investment in the babys life? Because i feel like that weird uncle who no one invites to birthday parties anymore."

"Well, since Gerard doesn't want to be involved... do you want to be a mommy or daddy?"

Brendon folded his arms over his chest in a devilish smirk, "My daddy kink radar is beeping."

Gerard gave them a cold stare before hunching over the toilet once again. "You guys are worse than morning sickness!" He yelled in between retching fits.

"Sorry Gee, we will continue in the kitchen" Patrick casually grabbed Brendon's hand "Let's go, I made the best coffee I could just for you!" He lowered his voice "But you still didn't answered my question"

"Yeah, go suck eachothers dicks or something!"

"You're just jelly that you won't get some"

"Jelly? No, id rather die of sexual tension than cheat on Frank. Thank you VERY much."

Patrick froze as guilt inside of him dragged it's way up (no pun intended) "Shit, I-" he paused not knowing what to say "... if we ever get out, you won't tell Pete or Ryan right?"

"Depends on how much you piss me off, but if leech kills me first you dont have to worry about that."

Patrick was now unusually pale "Please don't speak like that Gee, you will survive this! And please, I swear I will do anything if you won't tell"

Brendon, quiet until now, chimed in: "How bout we uh, get some breakfast?"

That was apparently the right thing to say, as Gerard wiped his mouth with some toilet paper and jumped up. "Fuck yeah im starving," he exclaimed and ran to the kitchen.

Patrick was still panicking inside so he grabbed Brendon's hand again (he dropped it in his shocked state) "Brendon, I'm so sorry, I just-" he paused "Thank you for being great friend, while I am the shitty one"

"I know a thing or two about pregnant people," Brendon smirked and lead them to the kitchen, snorting as he saw Gerard rummaging through the fridge.

Patrick tried to regain his motherly posture instead of his whore one. "Ehm" he cleared his throath "What do you want for a drink?"

Gerard, with some cheese stuck in his mouth, mumbled something unintelligible and brought all hes collected from the fridge to the nearest table.

"Won't you get sick eating all that?" Patrick asked skeptically

"Ill get sick anyway," Gerard huffed and stuffed half a tomato in his mouth, giving zero shits about how he looked doing it.

"Right... so... what will we do after breakfast?"

Brendon shrugged and sat down next to Gerard, playing nice.

"Maybe another cuddle session?"

"I think ill go ask that crazy bitch for a piano," Gerard said eventually and stood up, leaving all the food for Brendon to clean up while he left.

"Great idea Gerard!" Patrick called as he left. He turned back to Brendon "And what about you? Are you up for some cuddles?"

"Not really, sorry Trick. I think ill go clean up this mess and then..i dont know. Probably creep on Gerard playing the piano if he does manage to get one."

Patrick pouted "What if I would help you?"

"Look Patrick i- im not gonna lie. You are one hot motherfucker and i dont regret last night, but after what Gee said i just- it made me think," Brendon muttered, collecting the foods and stuffing them in the fridge.

"... I'm sorry I got you involved Brendon, but I just really wanna cuddle and I swear I won't do anything unless any of you want me to do something" Patrick looked Brendon in the eyes "And truth is... I don't regret last night either"

Brendon chuckled and pulled Patrick into a bear hug.   
"GUYSS IVE GOT A PIANO AND ITS MINE JUST SO YOU KNOW!" Gerard yelled excitedly, followed by Megan. She looked like she was about to collapse as she tried to pull a big ass box up the stairs.

"Holy cow Gerard are you a wizard or what?"

Gerard just giggled and ran upstairs, Megan stopping for a while to cough her lungs out.

Patrick untangled homself from the hug and helped Megan with the box "You look like you could use some help"

"Ya, thatd be great," Megan panted and Brendon ran up to her to help her with the box.

They managed to get the piano up and Patrick imidiately went to the kitchen "Want coffee?"

"Fuck yEAA," Brendon sings happily and he and Patrick settle for a nice cup of the brown liquid.   
"Almost as good as Statbucks," Brendon snorts and nudges Patricks shoulder.

Patrick slightly giggles "I'm glad you like it, I made it exactly for you"

"Aw thanks Trick." Brendon says and leans into the sofa, closing his eyes. After a few minutes he opens them again. "Can you hear that?"

"Is that- Oh my god that's Gerard. But what is he playing? Is it... Cancer?"

"Fuck, it is...is he just playing it or is it a metaphor for how he feels about..how does he say it? Leech?"

"For the sake of the poor child I hope not"

"God dammit," Brendon commented once Gerard started singing softly, "this fucks him up more than he shows.."

"This fucks us all more than we show, this whole thing is bullshit, fuck it, I will go talk to him" Patrick left the kitchen and stormed to where Gerard was playing "Gee... we know you are not okay, come on, talk to us please"

"Turn away, coz Im awful just to see-" Gerard choked on a sob and stopped singing, lifting his hands from the pianos keys to cover his tear stained face. 

Patrick gave him a big hug "Shh... it will be okay, nothing bad will happen I promise"

"Yes it will! It always does! First we end up here, then this", Gerard nodded towards his stomach, "happens, what next? I never fucking asked for this, I dont want to share my body with a fucking possibly deadly abomination! And even if it doesnt kill me, what will Frank think of me? Im a fucking freak of nature, this was never supposed to happen, this was...never supposed to happen." Gerards voice died out at the end in a decrescendo, the last few words but silent whispers.

"Frank will love you either way, in fact I bet all of them are looking for us everywhere. I know this situation sucks, but there's still hope"

Gerard nodded, leaning into Patricks shoulder. Brendon eventually joined them after emerging from the doorway worriedly. They were not okay, but they could pretend they were for now.

Patrick hugged them all tighter "No matter what, we are the best buddies, right?"

"No homo tho."


	10. LEJ

no

The next few weeks were pretty eventful for our heroes. Patrick and Brendon progressed more on being fuck buddies, while Gerard continued puking his guts out until the morning sickness finally subsided a few days ago. 

While Gerard was preoccupied with his pregnancy, Patrick thought of a plan in case Gerard won't be pleased with their behaviour. He got to blackmailing and from that moment he really didn't care. They made an agreement about switching (seeing that they were both comfortable with being bottom). So every 3rd day Patricked brewed Brendon the best coffee he could, and Brendon every 5th one hold a cuddling Patrick session.

They had no regrets about it, seeing that they don't have any feelings for each other, but they clearly decided that what happens in a buttfucking nowhere, stays in a buttfucking nowhere.

"Is that what not giving a fuck feels like?" Brendon jokes, once again enveloping Patrick in his arms. 

"I guess so" Patrick giggled "this is just great" he snuggled closer to Brendon "I don't even know why I hated you at first, you're just so amazing..."

"Oh come on, ive been a fob trash for much longer."

"Really? That's amazing Brenny, I know what I will ask Megan or Emma for now"

"Huh?" Brendon was oblivious. 

"For your albums, of course, so we can listen to some good music when Gerard's not using the piano"

Brendon rolled his eyes.   
"Well truth be told he does look like shit lately." It wasnt meant as an insult, moreso to express worry. 

"Should we check on him?" Patrick lifted his head from Brendon's chest.

"Im not even sure anymore. Hell either tell us to sod off, cry or both."

"Well... so we will ignore him and cuddle some more?"

"Patrick oh my god, we cant just cuddle into oblivion when i hear him cry himself to sleep every other night! I just want to be helpful in some way.."

"But he doesn't want our help, that's the problem, he only keeps pushing us away... and also I don't think we will know how to help him"

Brendon huffed, he didnt know, thats what got him so frustrated. He wondered if 'bothering' Gerard with trying to care would do any good, but then a red headed zombie entered the room. 

Patrick decided to use this in his benefits "Hey Gee, how are you feeling? Do you want something?"

"I want to die.." Gerard uttered and wandered towards the fridge. He then took out a carton and drank straight out of it. 

"We know, but like, do you need us to do something for you?"

Gerard took one last sip, put the milk back and turned to Patrick and Brendon.   
"Could i join your cuddle squad for a while?"

Patrick slightly whined rolling away from Brendon to make space for Gerard. He patted the spot next to him "Here buddy, you can join any time"

"Thanks..", Gerard mumbled and squeezed in between the two, "i just needed some company i guess."

"We all do" Patrick smiled and when Gerard turned away he mouthed 'sorry for ditching you Brendon'. He only rolled his eyes.

Patrick and Brendon chatted softly, watching as Gerard slowly drifted away. Brendon rubbed his back calmly, ignoring Patricks looks.   
"Frankie," a soft whisper suddenly escaped Gerards unconscious lips, "..hurts.."


	11. LEK

lases hh

Oh, the sweet release of denial. It may not be a solution, but who needs solutions?  
These were Gerards thoughts, amplified by his morning sickness slowly fading away.   
Maybe he could just pretend, ignore the bundle of cells nested in his stomach and keep going.   
Said bundle of cells, however, decided to make its appearance. 

Gerard and Brendon were casually chatting in the kitchen area, laughing at some shitty jokes when Gerard reached for something. That caused his shirt to go up and expose a slight roundness between the mans hips. 

Brendon awwed once it clicked in his brain.   
"Patrick! Get your ass down here!" 

Patrick being the good boy ran down the stairs as quick as possible "Yes Brandy? What's going on?"

Brendon grinned as if hed just gotten twenty one blowjobs at once.   
"Gee has a baby bump!"

Patrick's eyes widened "Oh my god Gee, this will be amazing" he went for a hug but Gerard only dodged him and used his 'you are so dead' glare.

Brendon pursed his lips.   
"But Ge-"  
"Leave me alone I dont have a fucking baby bump!" At which Gerard stormed away and locked himself in the bathroom once again.

"... okay, so who will go deal with the angsty teen now?"

Brendon shrugged. "Rock paper scissors?"  
Patrick reluctantly agreed and to his disbelief, Brendon won.

"Wha- How- Why do you always win?" He pouted.

"Because you always lose."

"... Fair enough" and with that Patrick walked away and knocked on the bathroom "Young lady, come out of the bathroom, we need to talk!"

"Go fuck yourself Patrick!"

"That's not nice, I'm trying to be nice to you like a... like a mother!"

"That fucking hurt any you know it!"

Brendon could be heard downstairs, laughing at the two.

"SHUT UP BRENDON!" Patrick was becoming moreand more frustrated "Okay fine, I give up, what do you need?"

"...an abortion." An almost unaudible whisper reached Patricks ears.

"If that child survives he will have some serious issues..." Patrick thought before answering Gee "You know that's not possible Gerard and... I swear, if you intentionally hurt the baby now... I won't hesitate to hurt you"

"Oh yeah?" Gerard scoffed and unlocked the door. "How about you fucking try?"

Patrick grabbed Gerard's wrist with as much strenght as he could "Gerard, I mean it."

"Yeah, because all you think about is yourself," Gerard said flatly and tried to wriggle out of Patricks grip.

"No, not only myself, I know you don't care about what I'm trying to say, but remember, one day this baby will be here with us and not only listening to our arguments from inside. Do you really hate it so much that you would be able to kill another person? A little defensless child? A baby?!?"

Gerard, pretty much flatly, answered. "Rather than it being a fucking scientific experiment, yes."

"No one here will let it be one after all this, we will all protect it, and mainly you, okay?"

"No, Patrick! Stop making this simplier than it is! Im fucking tired of your 'its gonna be fine' 'well protect you' 'its okay' shit. Its not. Going. To be. Okay. Not unless we get out of here."

"AND HOW DO YOU KNOW WE ARE NOT?!?"

"WELL DEAR PATRICK WERE NOT EXACTLY FREE TO PACK OUR SHIT AND LEAVE!"

Brendon joined them, hoping to help ease the situation.

"SO YOU WILL JUST MOPE HERE ALL THE TIME NOT EVEN EXPECTUNG ANYONE TO SAVE US?"

"NO I WILL MOPE HERE UNTIL LEECH GETS OUT OF ME AND THEN JUST ASK THEM TO PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY."

Brendon opened his mouth, but closed it again. Gerard and he made eye contact, and he felt like two needles stabbed him in the heart as those words filled the room.

"... Would you really do that to all the people that love you? You friends? Your family? And even Frank? Would you Gerard?"

"I bet Frank could find someone else. I mean, hes a pretty handsome guy if i say so myself and i do say so myself."

"We could hook him up with Pete." Brendon said, but was pierced by four angry eyes.   
"Too soon?"

"Brendon I swear that if you ever say anything like that I will-"

"Jesus, im sorry okay? I just wanted you to stop arguing." Brendon said, putting on his best kicked puppy expression.

Patrick couldn't be mad at Brendon anymore so he just added "Okay, but please don't joke about that"

"Yeah, just..dont yell anymore, kay?" Brendon was being what youd call a kid trying to get his parents back together.

"... I won't... what about you Gerard?"

Gerard grunted and walked past the two of them. He headed towards the lounge but a door knocked open stopped him in his tracks.   
"Hallo boiz, could i borrow Brendon kun for a little while?"  
It was Megan, with a suspicious surgical utensil in hand. 

She then gazed at Gerard, taking in his appearance. Her eyes twinkled with joy.   
"Oh look whos finally showing!" She cooed, then went upstairs to retrieve Brendon and dragged him away before anyone could say anything. 

Gerard peeked at his stomach, fearing the worst. As his hand moved closer, his anxiety increased.   
'Theres nothing, there cant be, because...if there was... it... it would make it real.'

Patrick went from confused to shocked when he saw Gerard's expression. "Hey Gerard, do you want to eat something?"

The words were somehow far away, Gerard didnt register them at all. As if someone else was handling his body, he watched in terror as his palm pressed onto the skin right above his navel, greeted by a firm roundness he so badly wanted to deny.   
"No.." he whispered, tears welling up in his eyes. 

Patrick rushed to Gerard's side as quickly as possible to give him a hug. "Shhh, shhh, I'm here for you, relax"

"No, no, no no nono" an endless chant flew from Gerards lips along with sobs, as if the words had the power to change things. 

Patrick lightly pated Gerard and started rubbing circles into his vack.

"I- I dont.. I dont want- I dont want it to be-" Gerards breath hitched every time he tried to form a sentence, his palm frozen, unable to move. 

"Gerard try to calm down please, okay, take a deep breath, slowly, slowly and even more slowly-"

Gerards hands curled into angry fists as another sob throbbed in his chest, his breathing shallower and shallower by the second.   
"I dont- want-" he gasped for air "it- to- to be- real-"

"Shh, shhhhh calm down, it's gonna be okay-" and then he more whispered to himself "-it has to be okay"

Gerards vision started to blur, his arms slowly going limp as he collapsed onto his knees, staring in front of himself blankly. He was trying to make sense of this. It wasnt real, right? It cant be. Boys dont get pregnant. Thats a fact. Its not happening. Its just a nigtmare. 

"G-Gee?" That's when Patrick went full panic mode "GODDAMIT EMMA WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE WHEN WE NEED YOU! WHY DID MEGAN HAD TO TAKE BRENDON HE ATLEAST KNOWS SHOT OMG GEE WILL DIE, BABY WILL DIE, WE WILL ALL DIE OH GOD WHYYYY"

Just as darkness started to engulf Gerards vision, something snapped in his brain.   
'A defenseless baby', Patricks voice echoed in his brain and Gerard suddenly took a deep breath.   
He isnt going to give up just yet, he decided and latched for more air, falling on all four, supporting himself with his arms.

Patrick was too busy panicking that he didn't notice Gee raising up from the darkness. In his panic however he managed to push the "call Em" button

Gerard glared at the floor, his breathing slowly evening.   
'I wish Frankie was here with me..'  
he thought, and sniffled defeatedly.

Patrick heard the sniff and he snapped his head to Gerard "Gerard, you're alive!" He exclaimed more than happy. And then he rushed to his side to help him get up.

Gerard pushed him away instinctively, though that caused him to lose balance and he ended up landing on his ass.   
His eyez were slightly dazed, but firmly locked onto his stomach.   
This time, however, his expression wasnt one of fear, but a mix between curiosity and disgust.

"Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself? Do you need-"

Gerard lifted his eyes, looking at Patrick blankly.   
"Im a fucking freak of nature."  
He laughed out loud.   
"Im a fucking freak, Patrick!" He laughed again, almost maniacally.

"Eh heh, yea, very funny but I think that you should rest now"

"Ah ha haha sleep is for the weak, fuck tha-" Gerards speech was interrupted by a huge yawn.

Patrick smirked knowing that he won this one (probably won'thaooen again) and he led Gee to the bedroom. "Goodnight Gee"

The second Gerards head made contact with the pillow, he fell asleep instantly.


	12. LEL

Lol

It felt like eternity since Brendon was taken out for experiminating. But Megan or Emma would probably say it's only a few week and Patrick has nothing to worry about.   
However all of this made Patrick's mood unstable a lot, so together with Gerard they made the perfect headache combo. Gerard didn't really see why was Patrick so defensive when asked why is he still moping, considering normally he would get over it pretty soon.  
Today was one of the days when he pushed the 'call Em' or (as he newly renamed it after few incidents) 'summon the devil on it's period' button. He blocked out Patrick's rambling and dissapeared into the bedroom.  
"Fine Gee, just hide in the bedroom, not like I needed friends!" Just as he finished the sentence the metal door opened followed with the sound of someone punching the doors.  
"God fucking dammit why are those fucking shits still here?!?!" Emma's voice was clearly recognizable straight away. As soon as she walked in dark aura surrounded her and Patrick could see that she was obviously very tired and stressed for some reason.

"I'm very sorry I couldn't arrive earlier, there was some problems with the lab and shit" she sighed seeig that Gerard already left. She proceeded to turn to Patrick "Good job on being the non-problematic room mate" she said sarcasticly.  
"Well sorry, not everyone can be a bitch like you and Gerard" Patrick was still snappy and that fact mixed with Emma's condition was about to start a shit storm.

She glared at him with her bloodshot eyes before exclaiming "Oh really? So I guess I shouldn't have bothered saving your ass just now-"  
"Saving my ass?" Patrick became confused.   
Emma gave her best smug impression "Yes, your sorry butt is save for bow and btw you don't need to worship me, just a simple Thank you would be great"   
"I could have handled it mys-"  
"Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there. Hahaha, nope, no way YOU could do something about it from HERE. Secondly, this is about the cheating and before you pull that bullshit yes, it is cheating on both sides. We all want your partners to be happy, so we will continue lying to them about this, but you should definitely consider a) your priorities and b) if you want Pete or no one, because that thing with Brendon will obviously not work"

Patrick looked at her deep in thought "I guess you are right..."  
Emma became triggered once again "You guess?!? Really?!? So you you just hope that Brendon will forever be your fuck buddy and then you drive to land of rainbows and happines with your husband?!?"  
"I mean, it's not like we are hurting anybody-"  
"Uh huh, totaly"  
"-you know it will stop when we get out, it's jist an innocent thing-"  
Emma took a deep breath "Lies, but continue "  
"-and besides you guys don't have to do cover up for us, we can do that ourselves!"  
Emma pulled her best 'Oh really?' face before she changed it into an 'maybe that I am smiling, but someone still has to die'.

"You know we have to get rid of all the evidence of you being together right? All the material is send back to the home base lab and if they discover stuff like these we are screwed, they could use it as a blackmail, they could show it to your partners or just ask us to do something about it..." after she ended her explanation she looked at Patrick in a 'try me bitch' way.  
"... oh, Oh... wow" was all she got for an answer.  
"So I would please like at least a little thank you for doing all that. Not like I needed sleep or food or-" she glared even more "-having a chance to talk to my girlfriend and save us all"  
"Huh? What do you mean? How did I fucked your chance to talk to your girlfriend?!?"  
Emma took a deep breath, "Well Patrick, the safe comuniation doesn't last for that long, so I had to choose only one problem as the main priority"

She gave a dead stare to Patrick before continuing "You see, I could have told her I love her and that we are on a fucking Antartica, but if I wouldn't have told her about the records the sanity of two people would have been ruined"

"... I am confused"  
Emma closed her eyes "Patrick, few days ago they managed to caught Pete and they showed him some stuff, luckily it was just you two moaning not even on the camera. I admit that that one slipped there on accident, but please, could you atleast do it quietly?"

"... So it was your fault that it even happened?" Patrick sometimes managed to slip some things that managed to get him in the middle of the shithole, sadly, this was the case here.  
The athmosphere went from shitstormy to a fucking tornado really quickly after that statement. Em's eyes were wide with shock as she rapidly blinked with her mouth agape. Then she very silently let out a soft "What?"  
Patrick knew something was comming when Emma still rapidly blinking smiled. He yelped as she smacked him hard creating a red handprint on his cheek. "DON'T" she growled "DON'T YOU EVER DARE TO SAY SHIT LIKE THAT AGAIN" she paused for a moment before she left slamming the metal doors as hard as she could "IF YOU CALL ME AGAIN I WILL MAKE YOU A GIRL FOR REAL" she yelled mainly to Gee.

Patrick stared at the door still in shock before he fell on his butt.  
Gee unlocked the bedroom (he locked it when he heard the storm imcoming) and decided to eat. He figured that after the shitnado that just happened there was nothing else to do. Patrick didn't looked like he was ready to communicate now anyway.

Gerard stood in front of the fridge, one hand on the opened door and the other delved in his red hair.   
His mind was racing, billions of cells processing a difficult task at hand.   
Gerard wanted something, craved the very taste on his tongue, longed for the scent tickling his nose.   
Ikea meatballs.   
Noting every item in the fridge, with a great disappointment, Gerard slammed the white cruel bastard closed and broke into tears.

Just then, Gerard realised he wasnt alone with this dilenma. He did hear some yelling earlier and Patrick probably isnt in the best of moods, but god damnit, hes pregnant and hes going to milk it for all its worth.   
"Patriiiiiiick," Gerard whined, still sprawled on the floor in front of the fridge.

Patrick was still on the floor looking like a kicked puppy but he still stood up to ask Gerard what is wrong. He slowly crawled to the kitchen "Yes Gee?"

Gerard opened his mouth to say something, but paused and said "what happened to your face?" instead. 

"Uh..." Patrick touched his left cheek as a reflex "Nothing much... Emma just slapped me because I was a little bitch, that's all..."

Gerard processed the information, but the strong craving got the best of him. "Ookay, well i'm craving ikea meatballs."

"... Why don't you call Emma and ask about it?"

"After seeing what she did to you? No thanks."

Patrick sighed "I can assure you she is only mad at me, you are fine so far"

"Ill be fine when I get my meatballs, and i have no intention of getting up anytime soon." Arguing with moody Gerard is like yelling at a wall. Pointless.

"... fine, I will go throw myself to the wolves so you can get your stupid meatballs" Patrick muttered walking away to seal his fate.

Gerard pushed himself up and grabbed Patricks wrist. "Thanks," he said, looking Patrick in the eye. Then he let go of him and grinned.

Patrick took the emergency phone and dialed the number Em wrote on the paper next to it.

"Yes?" You could hear the venom of hate dripping from that short sound.

"Uhm, so-"

"Is this you Patrick? What the hell do you want!

"... It's Gerard, he has cravings-"

Emma on the other side just sighed "I will be there in a few moments"

"Okay, thanks, I'm sorry, please don't kill me"

"... I will think about it" and with that she hanged the phone.

Patrick returned to Gerard and informed him about the call. "She will be here soon"

"Thanks Tricky," Gerard said contentedly, already embracing the idea of getting a plate of the swedish goodness.

~* a few moments later*~  
Emma walked through the door and once again she didn't forget to yell at them: "GOD FUCKING DAMMIT WHY DO I HATE THOSE DOORS SO MUCH"

At those words Patrick disappeared to the bedroom locking it just in case.

Gerard was about to make a snarky comment, but it wouldnt be convenient to piss emma off prematurely. Instead, he remained on his couch position and stared at the wall casually.

"So Gerard, I heard you have some cravings. What do you need?"

Gerard locked his eyes with hers, dead serious. "Ikea meatballs."

"... really? I mean... okay, no problem I will go ask the higher ups..."

Gerard squinted his eyes. "Are you.. judging me?"

"Honestly, I expected sommething... bigger and harder to find so I am actually relieved"

Gerard snorted, "like Franks dick?"

"... Okay, fine, I'm done, fuck it. I will be back as soon as possible" Emma really couldn't stand sex jokes (that's why her friends said them as much as they could), which was the reason why she was now rushing to the office.

She dialed the higher ups and waited for the other side to pick up. 

"Yes?" The same old secretary that absolutely hated anyone who called just for reasons asked.

"This is Emma from the Antartica mission and-"

"You don't have a permission to speak with the higher-ups"

"Wha?" Last time Emma checked she did, because of the importance of this mission, so that imformation was very suprising.

"Thank your girlfriend for that, pft" and the bitchy witch hanged up.

Emma sighed "Why do you have to do this Debbie, just why?" And with another sigh she went to knock on Meg's door.

*even later*  
Meg, please I know you're in there  
Friends are asking where you've been  
They say, "I hope she's better" and I hope too  
I'm right out here for you  
Just let me in

We only had each other  
It's was just you and me  
But now we have way more friends...

Please come out and tell me,  
When the experiment ends  
Do you not remember,  
That we used to be best friends...?

*starts walking away*  
Will I ever call the HR?  
...  
Okay byeee

Megan was gingerly doodling on her lab coat when someone dared disrespect her. After recovering from the initial trigger, she waited until the abomination ended and opened the door.   
Truth be told, in a Green day tshirt, black skinny jeans, no shoes or socks on and a lab coat labeled with gems such as 'I read the milk fic and I liked it.' or 'FRERARD SLUT #2', she did look very intimidating.

"What the hell is this?!?"

Megan raised her eyebrows. "Wat." She said flatly in her utter, pityable confusion.

"Obviously your cool badges... of course I'm asking about this whole set up"

"Ehhh," Megans eyes darted to the ground, "I got a bit carried away, okay? And guess what, I'm as tall as Gerard! I think thats written somewhere on my lower back," Megan spun around like a fangirl whos just discovered ao3.

Needless to say, on her lower back was a scribble: "Thats what. -She."

Emma only sighed "Fine, you can keep ignoring me, but Gerard has cravings and the stupid HR WON'T LET ME DO SHIT AND FUCK WHY DID YOU TOOK BRENDON NOW WE ARE ALL ACTING LIKE PREGNANT LADIES... poor Gerard tho"

Megan blinked. "I needed him for some tests, and he keeps me company all the microscopes couldnt."

"Next time please take Patrick too, because one bitchy lady is enough"

"... Megan, next time you do that shit without telling me I'm ditching you and you will have to take care of moody Gee and bitchy P, altho I am not sure if the P is for Patrick or Penis because both are moody from not getting laid"

"Next time i do that ill force Gerard to loop Blood for me and i wont invite you just because youre being a bitch about it," Megan said with a heartwarming smile.

"Oh wait."

"Yes?"

"Why would I be dealing with them? Im not the one with fucking social degree or whatever it is you have." Megans reasoning was reasonable as always.

"If I would have left, there would be only you four left, and you would habe to deal with them until they will send you replacement"

Emma smirked "Or you could ignore them and prepare for the Apocalypse"

"What apocalypse? Id just send Brendon to suck Patricks dick and likewise for a bit and take care of Gerard." Megan reasoned as if it was the most obvious thing.

"Fine, I want to see how you will handle covering up the affair, because they showed some stuff to Pete and jesus we are lucky it was only sound"

"Well," Megan trailed off, "Its not like I made them do it.."

"I wasn't implying you did, I'm just telling you what I have to deal with right now, oh, yea, Gee's cravings. He wanted Ikea meat balls"

"He...what?"

"I know right, that's not hard to get you just need to call HR and-"

"Oookay, slow down, how the fuck do you think im going to explain to the HR that yes, I need ikea meatballs for my experiment and yes, i am mentally stable?! Last time i did that they didnt even let me finish the bloody sentence!"

"Then tell them to stop bitching and talk to me."

"Umm," megan lagged for a second, "thats actually a good idea!"   
And with that, Megan began frantically searching through her pockets, eventually finding her phone and dialing the ER. Emma caught a glimpse of her lockscreen. 

"Nice quote, such deep, many wow"

"Oi! Looking at my phone, were we? Well, i am kinda disappointed you saw this particular one, i mean, a week ago i had this really slutty frera-"  
Megan got interrupted by the HR picking up. 

"Yes hello, ..., no, no im not calling because i ran out of coffee ..., no this is not a fucking prankca- ... okay, yes my assistent would like to- ... yes the lesbian one, geez, can you PLEASE just give me the boss? Thank you... you fucking dick juggling cunt.. NO YOU MISUNDE- okay, yeah I will."  
Megan sighed heavily and handed Emma the phone. 

She took it with no hesitation and with clear submissive voice she said "Yes sir? ... Yes, we need some suplies for the subjects ... We don't have a helicopter, you took all of them away ... sir, I can't possibly be responsible for that- ... Well sorry that my girlfriend accidentaly made a fire in the lab, but how the fuck is it my fault?!? ... You can't be serious! ... Fine, but I want 1000 $ for the shopping and you will bring me there, because I don't have any other way ... But ... I ... Yes sir, I understand" Emma hung up and with heavy sigh she gave it back to Megan.

"So..?," Megan trailed off, not knowing how to ask subtly. 

"I'm supposed to fly back there and take responsibility for Deb, the helicopter will be here soon so I hav a few hours... well... Call all the guys, we need to make a plan"


	13. LEM

ne

Meanwhile  
In our universe

Jk

Few days later back in Pete's house:  
After their (kinda unsuccessful) secret mission, Pete invited the rest of the group to his house, considering all the materials he already had there.  
Debbie was so nice that she told them all about Badger XYZ including the newest details she got from; Pete quotes "Her lovely girlfriend that's the best person ever and omg she actually tolerates her and doesn't even cringe".

Now Pete was in the office listening to Dab ranting about god knows what when he heard another bickering from downstairs.

Ryan was reading a book. An interesting one at that. Slowly delving deeper and deeper into the story, its no surprise he got greatly annoyed when two loud voices disturbed his peaceful session. 

"Gerard Iero just sounds fucking retarded, okay!" It was Mikey, following Frank en suite as he marched through the house. 

Frank unexpectedly stopped, causing Mikey to bump into him.   
"Do you have something against my last name?!"

Mikey lifted his hands in defense. "N-no I-" 

"Look, I wouldnt give a damn shit if his last name was Sluttybee, but-"

"GERARD SLUTTYBEE OH MY FUCKING GOD!" Mikey cried out, laughing violently. 

"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!"

Ryans knuckles were slowly turning white as he grasped the book he couldnt focus on anymore. 

"FUCKING SLUTTYBEE!" Mikey snorted and continued in his laughing fit. 

"LISTEN UP, ITS EITHER MY WAY OR GERARD WAY."

Ryan was about to tell them to kindly shut the fuck up, when he heard footsteps. 

"What are you guys doing? Jeez, poor neighbours!"

With Mikey, unable to answer in his current state and Ryan pissed out of his mind, the only one left was Frank. 

"Uh," he thought, you could almost see the steam above his head from thinking too hard, "I was wondering whose last name Id take if me and Gerard got married."  
Mikey uttered 'Sluttybee', but a foot to his side shut him up.   
For about six seconds. 

Pete sighed "And that's the reason why you two have to disrupt everyone?!?"

"How would you like someone calling Patrick-" Frank stopped when Petes jaw hardened and his narrow gaze dared him to continue that sentence. 

"Theyre basically arguing over spilled milk." Ryan said, too late realising the meaning of his words. 

"Oh my god Ryan, why did you have to say that..." Pete visibly cringed.   
"I swear that now I could even spend whole year with Deb or Dab or whatever, if-" he was interrupted by a doorbell. "Who the fuck?" Pete walked to the door and opened them, only to find some strange girl standing on the doorstep.

"Eh... Do I know you?" He asked.

She pushed past him "No, but I can help you find Patrick" she stepped to the living room   
"Hello Ryan, hi Frank, sup Mikey, I'm Emma and I can help you find Patrick, Brendon and Gerard."

Salutations," Ryan mocked her but didnt mean to offend. Well, not too much anyway. 

Emma decided to ignore this petty insult, after all, this was nothing compared to pretty much everyone back in the base.   
"So did you hear about the Project Badger XYZ?"

"Yep," Ryan said flatly but couldnt hide the interest sparkling in his eyes. 

Frank perked up. "Wait, you know about it? Does that mean you know where he is? How he is? Anything?"

"I should, considering I work there. But first, the base is located in Antarctica."

Frank gaped at her while Ryan furrowed his brows and Mikey jumped up.   
"Well that means we know where to go! We can-"

"Go to the nearest airport and catch a flight? I dont think so." It was Ryan, doubting the woman since she set her foot in the house. 

"I would say to take a ship sincr it will be less suspicious, but what do I know."

"Ship? Won't it take so long?" Pete thought aloud.

"Only 2 weeks or so, could be worse."

"True, so what are we waiting for?!" Mikey exclaimed. 

"I dunno, don't you want some information first, or money? I can't stay for long so..."

Pete asked a very good question "How is Patrick? I heard he was kinda depressed lately?"

Emma paused and her eyes twitched "Uh, great, he's better, I mean... mostly bored and trying not to kill Brendon you know... but other than that he is fine." She nodded rather quickly "Altho taking care of Gerard can be very stressful."

"You dont have to tell me that, hes a real drama queen when he wants to be." Frank smiled. 

However Pete was not so convinced "Oh, interesting, so why do you have to leave?"

"Because I am not trust worthy enough to be left alone for that long and also I flew here because Gerard had some cravings and the HR really couldn't give less shit about that"

"You had to fly here for food? What?" Mikey questioned her logic. 

"That was one reason... another was that SOMEONE" she searched the room for Debbie "apparently burned down the lab..." she trailed when she saw Dab on the stairs "And there she is!"

"House of gays!" Mikey said without thinking first, snorting at his own joke. 

(Gay Out Boys, My homosexual romance, Gays! At The Disco a.k.a the emo bandom gaydom)

"Ooo, so you are also gay, good to know" Dab chuckled.

"Tell that to my wife!"

"I mean you just admited that you are in the house of gays and you had no problem to come on a mission without telling her... but anyways, OH MY GOD EMMA I MISSED YOU" Dab ran to Emma and hugged her tightly.

Mikey muttered something along the lines of 'yes i fucking did' and Frank lowkey snickered at his misery. 

"Heeeeeeeeeyyyyyy Deb" Emma's excitement was getting lower and lower with each letter "Did you really have to burn down the whole laboratory?" 

"I said like five times it was an accident! Besides distraction was needed-"

Emma groaned and facepalmed "I don't- just forget it. But please, tell me what you did that you had to use those drastic measures?!?"

"... I stole all the materials about the project and I know how to get there safely"

Pete whisled "Wow, why didn't you tell us?"

"I mean, I doubt we could afford it-"

"Is 500$ a good donation to the cause?"

"And i was about to ... panic." Mikey uttered, keeping safe distance from Ryans foot. 

"If someone hits Mikey they will get 10$ instantly" Dab suggested.

Ryan and Frank exchanged unamused looks. 

"Oh well then, nevermind, so Emma, how easy would be sneaking those guys on the cargo plane?"

"Hard, why you ask? ... No- Just... why do you make me do those things?"

"Because you love me"

"Sometimes I doubt that" Emma sighed again "Fine, guys, prepare to go on a trip-"

"Yayyy.." Ryan murmured, but they all eventually agreed. 

Theyre going on a trip.


	14. LEN

Na policku plela len   
Vlasy mela jako len  
Kdyz mluvime o tech vlasech....

It was one of many sleepless nights Gerards learned to suffer through, exhausted and needing to pee. 

Again. 

'May as well sleep on the fucking toilet,' he thought, sitting up with some effort. He took a few deep breaths and with the help of the bedframe got up. 

He did think about asking Patrick to help him, as he was sure Patrick would be more than happy to, but thatd mean admitting he needed assistance in the first place. Which is something Gerard wasnt quite ready to do. 

As he made his way to the bathroom and done his business, he couldnt help but groan in pained annoyance as another headache settled in his skull. 

Gerard decided the two hours of sleep he managed to collect throughout the night will have to suffice and retreated to the lounge. 

He sought comfort in his personal sofa crease, a silent moan escaping his lips as the heavenly piece of furniture lifted the pressure from his lower back and ankles. 

Leech chose that moment to stir, as it used to do whenever Gerard got comfortable for more than ten seconds. 

Something deep in Gerards brain was yelling at him to react, to communicate with the life within him, however such thoughts were quickly discarded into the deepest corners of Gerards mind. 

Speaking of which, besides Leech, Frank was often on his mind. 

Gerard smiled.   
'My sweet Frankie, I wonder what hed have to say.. probably something cheesy but true.'

An image formed in front of him, memory of Frank and his younger self. Gerard recalled the day immediately. Frank composed a song, just for him. It may just be a selection of chords in a certain rythm, but what made it so special was Franks way of playing it. 

He always chose his favourite guitar, gave Gerard a semi-nervous smile and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, his fingers were already dancing on the instrument. They werent chords in a song as much as they were leaves in a wind. Flowing, sparkling in a sad yet melodic song. 

Gerard wiped his eyes, he wasnt going to cry again. 

Oh how he longed to hear that song again. Because it would mean seeing these brown eyes on a petite face and artsy tattoos. 

It would mean reuniting with Frank. 

Gerard sniffled and slowly calmed himself with even breaths. 

Leech was kicking violently, responding to Gerards emotions, as if trying to make him snap out of his trance, to tell him that 'I do exist, how can you be so blind?'

Gerard gazed at the wall in front of him, feeling empty. What an irony that was. 

5:23, he noticed while his eyes lazily scanned the room. 

'Thats almost morning,' Gerard decided and stood up way too quickly. 

His vision blurred and he collapsed on the couch, cursing himself mentally. 

He repeated the process, this time responsibly. 

Blood started trickling down his nostril before he entered the kitchen. He could taste the coppery substance when he accidentally opened his mouth. 

Nose bleeds were nothing new, and Gerard practically asked for this one. With a depressed sigh, he grabbed the nearest tissue box and stuffed his nose with tissues. 

'Its not advised, but see if I give a damn shit,' Gerard reasoned with himself and reached for a cupboard where they kept cereal. 

Coincidentally, it was the same cupboard that made Brendon realise he was getting a baby bump. 

'No doubt about that now,' Gerard huffed for the kitchen utensils to hear and casted his gaze on his five months old stomach. 

He hated how it stuck out. He hated how it made him waddle instead of walking. He hated how wider his hips were getting, and he was pretty sure his ass got bigger too. 

It reminded himself of early My Chem days, when he would cry on Franks shoulder post shows. He felt like he was not good enough for their fans. That he had to have the perfect body, perfect visage...

That got him depression and Frank breaking down next to him when he once again 'wasnt hungry'.

It never really stopped haunting him, telling him to eat less, though he tried for Franks sake. 

He never wanted to see that betrayed look on his face again. 

Gerards hand reaching for the cupboard stopped halfway when he pondered. Now, forgetting what he was going for, Gerard retracted it along with knocking down a few bowls and a box of cereal. 

Now that ruckus had the potential to wake the dead. 

"Gerard? Is that you?" Sleepy Patrick waddling like a zombie asked.

"Fuck- yeah I- yeah, sorry," Gerard stuttered, startled by his sudden approach. 

"Iz oke" Patrick slurred. "Are you okay?"

"I guess?"  
Gerard huffed and passed Patrick in favour of leaving a mess in the kitchen and sitting down.

"So you don't know huh? Should we ask Megan or?"

"Nah, its, like five am." Gerard knew this look all too well, the way Patricks eyes flickered between his face and stomach.   
"Leechs abusing my insides, if you wanna feel."

"Could I... Maybe he will calm down."

"It," Gerard hissed as he felt another sharp jab. 

"You are right, we don't even know the gender yet, Ow" the baby kicked his hand as soon as he laid it on Gee's stomach "Calm down child, your-" he needed only one look at Gerard's unpleased face to change his answer "-dad needs to rest."

Gerard sighed. "I wish this could be you and Pete, yknow, i feel like the awkward third wheel." He chuckled humourlessly. 

"Maybe after you could have your own child with Frank?"

"Are you crazy? This is killing me, why would I willingly want to go through it again? My back is killing me, ive got a hea- fuck! How about you stop you fucking piece of shi-" Gerard yelled, then stopped and snorted. "Its first word is gonna be fuck isnt it."

Patrick froze on spot "Oh god" he turned to the bump "Please ignore that langulage, just say mom or dad or whatever else nice is there."

Gerard laughed and wiped a tear from his eye. "Are we actually holding a conversation with my stomach?"

"I dunno, I'm just trying to prevent catasthrophe" he glared at Gerard "Watch your language okay?"

"Sure sure," Gerard said with a grin. 

"Thank you, and now, let's get you into a bed, you should sleep more"

"Meh, ill just stay here."   
Gerard declared and leaned into the sofa. Patrick mentally sighed, knowing Gerards gonna be snappy if he falls asleep on the sofa, but didnt have the heart to argue with him.

He went back to the bedroom and imidiately fell asleep hoping that he will wake up at more acceptable hour.

Acceptable hour turned out to be nine in the morning (afternoon). Megan chose these early morning hours mostly because she spent her evening binge watching Free! because her favourite microscopes light broke and she was far too lazy to repair it.   
For the first time, she politely knocked and actually waited instead of barging into the living quarters. Maybe she was getting old, maybe she was still asleep. Or both.

Patrick woke up just in time to hear the knocking. He opened the door very suprised to see Megan there "Hey Megan, nice to see you"

"Yo," Megan said Kakashi style. "So howve you been?"

"I've been better... hey Megan, do you jnow anything about pregnancy?"

Megan gasped, pretending to be offended. "If?! Man, I've been collecting pregnancy facts since I was fifteen and I went to college for it! I mean, yeah, why? Is anything the matter?" She suddenly sounded concerned.

"That's- Oh my god thaz would be great! Megan you are amazing"

Megan jumped up and hugged Patrick, suddenly realising that it was probably too harsh and pulled away. "Sorry I just... no one ever cares about my pregnancy facts yknow.."

"Really? That's sad... could you tell me some, s you know, I could maybe use them on Gee?"

"Hell fucking yeah! Just lemme grab my stuff, ill be right back!" Megan said and ran off. Twenty one minutes later she returned with about the whole pregnancy section of a library in her arms, breating heavily and cursing under hear breath.

Patrick was certainly impressed by Megan at this moment "Holy- Do you need some help?"

"Nah, iz fine, ill just-" Megan dropped the books on the sofa. "Yeah." She sat down next to them, patting the space next to her.

Patrick sat down on the empty space and looked at Megan as if she was his mom or some teacher at school explaining all about pregnancy.

"Okay hun, so there are some books you can read, because me ranting would be way too long. I marked the chapter according to how far along Gerard should be, but there is one thing id like tell you. At five months, im able to tell the gender of the baby. I mean i could have guessed sooner st the previous checks, although i felt like itd be rude of me so I didnt. Question is, do you two want to know?"

Patrick's eyes sparkled "Of course! Now we won't have to call it it"

Megans smile faltered. "Patrick, I cant tell you unless Gerard allows me to look. Youd have to convince him." Then she looked at her watch and bolted up. "Well fuck me with a carrot, i have to feed the cats in five mins, well, good luck. Ill be back after im done for a regular check up."

"Oh, okay... well then" he jumped up excited "I guess I will go annoy Gerard now!"

Megan snorted and hurried to feed her feline frens. 

Patrick spend the next hours studying the books she gave him so he could prepare the best breakfast he could.

DJ LUNCHBOX IN DA HOUSE  
(More like Patrick destroya-ing the kitchen)  
(Yes i did stfu)

Patrick quickly briefed over the table that hold the best he could come up with: Pancakes and herbal tea (because normal tea wouldn't be good for the baby). 

Gerard could wake up any moment now. Patrick was very dissapointed that he couldn't get any flowers, but what does he know, maybe Gee doesn't like them anyway"

Heavy footsteps signalised the arrival of a morning mooded diva. Patrick had turned around just in time to see Gerard himself gnawing on one of their few houseplants, seemingly not at all bothered by its inedibility.

"Uhh, Gerard? You know you are eating a house plant right?"

Gerard looked at the half eated leaf in his hand, then Patrick, and shrugged.   
"I was craving it. Took me some time to figure it out but s'good."

Pete couldn't process the fact at all so he decided to ignore it a little "So, wanna breakfast? I made it specially for you!"

Gerard shoved another fistful of leaves into his mouth but not all of them because if the plant died hed starve to death. Or thats what his 9 am pregnancy brain came up with anyway.

"Okay Gerard that's enough, you don't even know if ut isn't poisonous" Patrick took the plant from Gerard "If you are hungry eat what's on the table"

Gerard followed the plant pot with his eyes suspiciously, yet eventually casted his gaze towards the breakfast feast.   
"Aw, you didnt have to!" Gerard smiled, tearing up a little but fighting his mood swings bravely. Gerard proceeded to the nearest chair, sighing in relief as his lower back and ankles thanked him in unison. He picked up the tea, sipping on it before swallowing with such grimases as when hed first given a blowjob, and then set the cup down.   
"S'good," he muttered and stuffed a pancake in his mouth to replace the herbal taste he wasnt used to. 

"Sorry for the tea, but the book said that any other would be bad for the baby, which reminds me, Gee, could I ask you for a favour?"

Gerard chewed on the pancake and hypnotized his fork. When it seemed they had a sort of mental connection going on, he finally looked up.   
"Sure."

"Uh, well, so..." Patrick didn't know how to start "eee... we were kinda talking with Megan, you know, baby things and she- I- Well... she can tell the gender now"

Gerard sighed, avoiding his stomach as he gazed down.   
"And you want to know, huh," Gerard sighed. It wasnt that he didnt want to know, or that he wanted to torture Patrick. It was that when he referred to leech as 'it', it was much easier not to get attached. That he feared the most.

"I know you think it's a bad idea, but maybe Megan could help and you wouldn't know or something" Patrick now pulled his puppy eysy.

"I guess...i guess she can tell you, but not Brendon. Hes a blabbermouth and i dont want to get a heart attack if it slips." Gerard chuckled, but deep inside he wasnt really in a joking mood.

Patrick hugged Gerard to express his gratidute "Thank you... just- You are the best"

Before Gerard could make a snarky retort, sounds of Megan and what seemed to sound like a fork in a garbage disposal made an appearance.   
"Sorry guys, these cats are demanding. So do we get to know if the little rascal is a laddy or a lass?" She asked, smiling carefully towards Patrick more than Gerard. 

"Yes, Gee agreed, isn't he the best?"

"Sure is, and im not saying that just because im a slut for mcr which i am but eRMM WHERE were we OH YEAH the ultrasound..Patrick? Would you mind giving me a hand?" Megan said awkwardly and pointed at the portable machine. 

"Ooookay? What do you want me to do?"

"Just-" Megan started but then just hinted Patrick to help her push it near the couch where the checkups usually commenced.   
"Thanks, this bitch is heavy as fuck." Megan slurred after realising she shouldnt be swearig so much. 

"Meeeegaaan" Patrick whined "We can't swear in front of the baby now!" He gestured to Gerard "Come here buddy! Do you need help?"

"Buddy?" Gerard questioned and Megan snorted.

"Don't question my mind. I have no idea why I said that... I may have wanted to say buddy old pal" Patrick trailed hiding his shame. 

Megan was wheezing as laughter erupted from her mouth.   
"What an irony holy moly i cant im done!"

Gerard leaned into the couch he moved to earlier and groaned. 

"I'm sorry... well what now Megan" Patrick curiously looked at the machine.

"Well, as usual," Megan dried her tears and flicked the machine to life, fiddling with the screen and almost dropping the transducer. 

"Oh god are you okay?" Patrick thought that maybe she saw something horrible on the screen.

"Nah just managed to crack it a liiiil bit but whatever theyll get me a new one eventually." Megan played it off coolly and set up the machine with a proud 'fu- i mean hell yeah'.

Gerard already knew what was coming but didnt dread it any less. When Megan asked him to lie down and lift his shirt, he could be voted as the human embodiment of grumpy cat. 

Patrick tried to grab his hand to comfort him, but then he decided to only pat him on his shoulder "It's gonna be okay Gerard."

Gerard scoffed as 'he wasnt a little kid and he wasnt about to be cut open'. Even though, one can never be sure with Megan. 

Speaking of witch, Megan pulled a tube of questionable ultrasound gel from god knows where with a victorious smirk. 

"You are starting to scare me-"

Megan snorted and started applying the gel to Gerards stomach, which he was, to say the least, not very fond of. 

"Holy shit woman, could you at least warm it up for once?!" Gerard groaned but Megan ignored his comment in favor to grab the transducer. 

She typed some satanistic shit into the machine and it started whirring suspiciously. 

"How are you feelin Gee?"

Gerard didnt comment on the pet name, just mumbled a silent:  
"Exposed and wishing this was over."

By the time he finished the sentence, the transducer in Megans hand was already sliding along the swell of his stomach. 

Megan turned the monitor to herself and moved her hand to find the right angle. When she did, she grinned. 

"Look whose experiment is doing absolutely grand aha!" Then she made the mistake of turning to Gerard and sulked her shoulders in cringe.

Patrick tried to calm down Gerard before he goes super saiyan with all that rage he was holding in "Shh, she didn't meant it like that, she is just happy it lives"

Gerard was too done to make the 'well im not' comment, so he just accepted his fate and gave Patrick the 'i am dead inside but its okay well its not but whatever' smile.

Megan recovered from her cringe attack and let them have their moment in favour to look at the shadowy image on the screen. 

"Ohmygooood!" She squeaked suddenly made a little victory dance. 

"What? What?! OH MY GOD DO WE KNOW THE GENDER NOW?"

"Why indeed," Megan grinned and leaned over to Patrick. 

She whispered something into his ear, then went back to counting the babys toes.

Patrick started giggling not able to hold his happines anymore. He hugged Gerard again "This is so fucking amazing oh my god, hihihihihi"

"Ow Patrick please-" Gerards breath hitched as Patricks gesture made Leech kick violently in the direction of his ribs. 

"Oh god I'm sorry" Patrick unhugged Gee super quickly

"I guess he will be a footballist hehe" Patrick added feeling the kick. Then he stopped with an 'oh shit I fucked up expression' "... I mean-"

"Whoopy doopsy nopeity nope im outta here," Megan exclaimed, shitface scared, almost tripping as she collected her medical stuff and desperately pulled the ultrasound machine with her towards the door.

Gerard froze on spot. His mind shut off completely. He just didnt want to comprehend what hes just heard. Maybe if he pretended he didnt hear what Patrick said-  
Leech kicked again, making Gerards face scrunch in pain and the pain of denial bliss leaving too soon. 

"Shit, Gee, I'm so sorry. Just tell me what should I do to make it up to you" Patrick tried to grab Gerard's hand.

Gerard pushed Patrick away roughly and stormed away as fast as he could at five months. Oh boy was he pissed.


End file.
